did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
