Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
