"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
