Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
