Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
