No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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