we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would fuck him just for his dog
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
