Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
a search helicopter?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
