She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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