Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
