I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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