ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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