the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
