I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
