i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
