I can tuck mytits in my pants
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
