I hate all girls vehemently.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
