We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
