I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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