just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
