There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My Higher Power is John Stamos
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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