Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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