I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
