Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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