Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
