We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
