Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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