Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
