I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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