I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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