evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
