you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
