Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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