somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
