The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
