I want to stick my p in your. b.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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