Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
