Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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