my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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