is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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