I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
