so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
