Screwed.edu
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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