I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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