just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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