did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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