i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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