I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
