Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
