i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
