New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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