Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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