I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
