I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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