Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
