Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
