I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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