my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
