i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I just went to clothing optional bar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
