I wish I could teleport
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
