I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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