Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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