im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
