we have pet lesbian snakes
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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